vrcanaries The 261st Humorous Ming Dynasty Emperor
The 261st Humorous Ming Dynasty Emperor
"Let's put the Qing Dynasty and the Yuan Dynasty together, and start by talking about some interesting things from our Ming Dynasty!"
Lin Ke continued, "Let's begin. First of all, the sixteen emperors of the Ming Dynasty were more sentimental than the emperors of other dynasties. There's a saying that the imperial family is the most ruthless. This may be rarely seen in the Zhu family, but it's not unheard of, especially between a pair of [good uncle and nephew].
"Although each of the sixteen emperors was an oddball, most of them were devoted to their wives. There is no need to say more about Zhu Di and Empress Ma, and the same is true for the fourth emperor, Zhu Di, and Empress Xu."
"Although Zhu Qizhen had been a prisoner of war, studied in the Oirat Mongols, and even worked as a gatekeeper, he still abolished the practice of concubines being buried alive with the emperor, which Zhu Yuanzhang had reinstated, for Empress Qian."
"You know, this system can be considered an ancestral system. It's quite good that they've managed to do it this well. After all, back when he was in Oirat, Empress Qian cried until she went blind and her legs became weak."
"I've already talked about Zhu Jianshen and Consort Wan, and Zhu Youcheng and Empress Zhang, so I won't go into detail. But aside from these matters of the heart, the sixteen emperors of the Zhu family were quite funny!"
A farming expert in the Song Dynasty: Compared to other female confidantes, he's not bad!
A bystander from the Tang Dynasty: I know, Kangxi Emperor of the Qing Dynasty had the most concubines!
Emperor Kangxi of the Qing Dynasty: ?? ? This title is unacceptable, isn't it?! And the concubines of the Li Tang dynasty were far more fascinating than his harem!
Li Erfeng of the Tang Dynasty: Why are you dragging our Tang Dynasty into this?!
Emperor Gaozong of Tang: Our Tang Dynasty has no wicked empresses who cede territory and pay reparations!!!
All the Qing emperors (furious enough to vomit blood): !!!
……
"Attention, attention, we're about to introduce a few humorous versions of the Ming Dynasty emperors:"
First, there's Zhu Yuanzhang, who started with just a bowl. He was a monk who begged for food, and even after becoming emperor, he still cultivated a vegetable garden within the palace. He certainly doesn't forget his roots, does he? Hahahaha!
"Zhu Yunwen, the second emperor of the Ming Dynasty, favored Confucianism: ...to govern the people with benevolence..., but he dealt a heavy blow to his uncle without any mercy!"
"Next was Zhu Di, who told everyone to speak the truth and not to flatter him. For example, after Zhu Di's northern expedition, a memorial from Guizhou flattered him, saying that the mountains of Guizhou were all shouting 'Long live the Emperor!'"
"This was so outrageous that Zhu Di was very angry and punished him with a year's salary!"
"However, although he advocated that everyone speak the truth, he wanted to kill people when he heard someone say that Emperor Jianwen should be released!"
"And then there's Judy's chubby son, Zhu Gaochi, who supposedly has a particular fondness for collecting gourmet food. He's become so obese that he needs help to walk and even turning over in bed is difficult."
"Everything has its limits. If you eat like this, you'll get sick. Look at him, he only stayed in office for ten months before running off to find his father!"
"Let me tell you something even funnier. Because of his surname Zhu and his zodiac sign being the pig, he is not allowed to raise, feed, or eat pigs nationwide, but he himself can continue to eat them. He has really mastered the double standard!"
"However, it was unrealistic to prohibit it under such an order, so he quietly reinstated it himself within a few months."
Big-Handed Liu Zhuzhu (almost dying of laughter): Pfft! Hahahaha, what kind of people are these?! I'm dying of laughter!
All the emperors of the Ming Dynasty: (? ? 皿 ?)
A spoiled young man from the Song Dynasty (laughing so hard he clutches his stomach): Hahahaha, this is so funny!
……
Yongle period of the Ming Dynasty
Zhu Di got angry when he saw his fat son. He had been trying to lose weight for so long but hadn't lost any weight at all!
Needless to say, it's most likely that the kid was sneaking food again. Look how fat he is, he's been here for ten whole months!
I'll ask Miss Lin for some weight loss tips later, so I can lose this weight properly!
If Zhu Gaochi on the other side knew about his father's inner turmoil, he would definitely cry out that he was wronged!
He's been a vegetarian for several months now, and he's lost a little weight compared to before, though it's not very noticeable!
……
After Lin Ke finished speaking, a smile appeared on her lips. If she hadn't had to continue, she would have burst out laughing!
"Ahem, let's talk about something that happened during the Hongwu era. There was a man named Yu Min who was the magistrate of the Imperial Guard's Records Office. But our focus isn't on his official position; it's on the fact that he broke the law!"
"Generally speaking, when someone in this family commits a crime, they will find someone to help them. Yu Min's wife is no exception; she's been banging the petition drum loudly!"
“You all know the purpose of the petition drum. It definitely needs to be re-examined, but the investigation actually confirmed Yu Min’s crimes.”
Yu Min: Having you is my blessing!
"Even if it is true that Yu Min broke the law, his wife did not abandon him. She was even willing to take the punishment in his place. When Old Zhu found out, he was impressed by her determination and praised her as a virtuous woman, so he let Yu Min go."
"Not only that, Old Zhu also specifically told Yu Min that even though he was in trouble, his wife still treated him so well. He should be grateful to have such a wife! Don't mess around or cause any trouble!"
A spoiled young man from the Tang Dynasty: So did he ever calm down afterward?
A farming whiz in the Song Dynasty: To be honest, his wife treats him really well!!!
A bystander from the Han Dynasty commented: "But I thought Old Zhu was going to chop him up because he was really angry!"
Zhu Bajie of the Ming Dynasty: I'm not a volatile maniac!!!
……
"But Yu Min is really clueless. Just a year later, he got into trouble again and was arrested. His wife is still the same as before, saying she's willing to apologize on his behalf. She told people to come at her if they have any problems, and not to mess with her husband."
"I wonder if Yu Min saved his wife in his past life to be treated like this. I don't know if others are moved, but Old Zhu is quite impressed with this woman!"
"So they released Yu Min again, and still told him: 'Your wife is so good, don't do bad things!' They even appointed him as an imperial censor. If Yu Min still relapses after all this, then he would really be too ignorant!!"
"But Yu Min, that kid, is indeed a repeat offender. This time, he's back in less than a year. Zhu Yuanzhang must be wondering, what's wrong with this kid? Why does he have to get himself imprisoned like this?!"
"So he personally interrogated him: What was the reason for this?! Yu Min probably felt that there was no point in refuting him, so he said it was for personal gain, but he also expressed regret." (From Zhu Yuanzhang's "Great Proclamation")
After hearing this, Old Zhu said, "He's utterly shameless! I've spared him twice, but now I'm definitely going to teach him a lesson. It's no use who saves him this time."
A spoiled young master from the Song Dynasty: Why doesn't he just fly to the heavens?! Does he have to break the rules?!?
A romantic and talented scholar from the Tang Dynasty: How did things turn out?!
A bystander from the Ming Dynasty: It looks like the market has been abandoned!
An old farmer from the Han Dynasty: He's being beheaded right here in the middle of the city! ? ?
Lin Ke saw the comments on the screen and explained, "Let me also mention the Ming Dynasty's punishment of execution in the marketplace. As the name suggests, it meant beheading someone in the middle of the marketplace, and it is said that even the body was not allowed to be collected."
"Sometimes the punishment was called 'three days of public execution,' which meant that the body could not be collected for three days so that the people of the world would spit on it, which served as a deterrent."