vrcanaries Chapter 254 The Sentimental Tang Dynasty Officials
Chapter 254 The Sentimental Tang Dynasty Officials
"This attracted Cao Cao's attention. He thought she was a married woman, so he ordered her to be captured alive and instructed his men to hold back and not harm her!"
Cao Cao: ...Slander! Utter slander!
Zhao Yun: Damn it! Who spread this rumor?!
Emperor Zhao Kuangyin of the Song Dynasty: Holy crap! This unofficial history is too outrageous!
A bystander in the Ming Dynasty: I was even told that although the process was a bit wrong, the result was still damn right!
A spoiled young master from the Tang Dynasty: Unofficial histories may not be entirely true, but they are certainly wild enough!
……
Upon hearing this, Zhou Yu and Sun Quan, who had just taken a sip of tea, almost spat it out. Who spread this rumor? It's so outrageous!
Just as Zhou Yu was secretly relieved that he hadn't been criticized, Lin Ke's next words almost made him vomit blood.
"During the Three Kingdoms period, Zhou Yu did not actually die. Instead, he faked his death and hid in a coffin, waiting for Zhuge Liang to arrive. There was a hole left in the coffin lid for him to breathe."
"Unexpectedly, Zhuge Liang saw through his trick. While wailing, he used his fingers to plug the hole, and in the end, Zhou Yu suffocated and died!"
Zhuge Liang/Zhou Yu: ...
A spoiled young man from the Song Dynasty: Holy crap! This unofficial history is way too outlandish, hahaha!
A bystander in the Ming Dynasty: Hahahaha, this is hilarious!
A romantic scholar from the Tang Dynasty: Hahaha! So that's how he died of anger!
……
,……
Lin Ke continued, "The next person is Cao Pi, Cao Cao's son. At that time, he had a good friend named Wang Can, who died of illness while accompanying Cao Cao on his southern expedition against Sun Quan."
Sun Quan: ...
"However, it is said that more than twenty years ago, the famous physician Zhang Zhongjing had already warned him that he had at most twenty years to live."
"But Wang Can, who was just a young man at the time, didn't listen to him at all. He thought that Zhang Zhongjing was cursing him, and he impatiently brushed him off."
"On another note, at Wang Can's funeral, because he was fond of listening to donkeys bray, his friend and funeral organizer, Cao Pi, took the opportunity to bid farewell to his friend."
"Then he said to the others, 'Wang Can loves listening to donkeys bray the most, let us see him off one last time.'"
"So, starting with him, a group of intellectuals began to imitate donkey braying, though I wonder if any of them couldn't help but laugh!"
Zhu Houzhao, the number one mischievous child of the Ming Dynasty: Pfft! His spirit is admirable, but his behavior is very confusing, hahaha!
A romantic scholar from the Tang Dynasty: He's quite sincere, hahaha!
……
The people in the court found this quite amusing, but they also felt that Cao Pi treated his friend with genuine sincerity!
Imitating a donkey's bray! Hahaha, this is something most people wouldn't think of. I wonder why Wang Can likes to hear donkeys bray! Hahahaha!
……
The live broadcast continues.
"The later dynasties were quite chaotic, so let's start with the unified Sui Dynasty."
"As we mentioned before, the tomb of Emperor Yang of Sui was discovered by a developer named Yang Yong, so some people joked that Emperor Yang of Sui took the position of crown prince from Yang Yong."
"But a thousand years later, Yang Yong dug up the grave, hahaha, but there weren't any luxurious burial objects inside,"
"The remains may have decomposed over time, and only two teeth were found. Based on later technology, it is estimated that the owner of these teeth was about fifty years old, which is consistent with the age at which Emperor Yang of Sui died."
"So based on this, we can infer that it was Emperor Yang of Sui. Let me show you his two big teeth; they look like he ate a lot of good food."
Before long, the people of Wanchaozhong saw those two big teeth, which had rotted away and were now just teeth!
A farming expert from the Song Dynasty: Little Sui, you really need to take better care of your teeth, the bottom is all black!
Cheng Yaojin of the Tang Dynasty: Is it possible that his surname is Yang?
A bystander in the Ming Dynasty: Pfft, hahaha, I'm dying of laughter!
A scholar-official from the Han Dynasty: Wow~ These teeth look pretty good; they haven't rotted even after a thousand years!
A Qing Dynasty official suffering from a toothache: I cried! These teeth are better than mine when I was over thirty!
……
"However, when talking about the Sui Dynasty, we have to mention Dugu Xin, Dugu Jialuo's father. Three of his seven daughters became empresses, making him the most powerful father-in-law."
"Let us introduce Dugu Xin. He was one of the Eight Pillars of State during the Western Wei Dynasty. He was a Xianbei. Historical records describe him as having 'good looks and being skilled in riding and archery.'"
"But compared to his own abilities, his unique eye for choosing sons-in-law was also quite good. His eldest daughter married Emperor Ming of Northern Zhou and became Empress Mingjing of Zhou."
"The seventh daughter married Yang Jian, the founding emperor of the Sui Dynasty. The two had a good relationship. As empress, Dugu Jialuo also had great power. She was called the Second Saint in the palace."
"Dugu Xin's fourth daughter married Li Yuan, the founding emperor of the Tang Dynasty. As a result, Dugu Xin served as the emperor's father-in-law for three consecutive dynasties, and was jokingly called the number one father-in-law in the world."
A scholar-official from the Han Dynasty: That's amazing taste!
A Qin Dynasty official: We can win simply by lying down and doing nothing!
A bystander from the Ming Dynasty commented: "If he opens a school and teaches students, a lot of people would probably go, hahaha, what a great father-in-law!"
A Qing Dynasty official: Ah! I suddenly realized that Yang Jian might be Erfeng's uncle!
Li Erfeng of the Tang Dynasty: ...
Lin Ke displayed several pictures of Dugu Duomian's seal and then said, "This is Dugu Duomian's seal. Because he held a high position, he put together seals for various official positions and some commonly used ones."
"One print for multiple uses—and I must say, this greatly improves efficiency!!!"
"Next, we'll move on to the Tang Dynasty. First, we'll talk about Han Yu, one of the Eight Great Masters of the Tang and Song Dynasties. He wasn't just a scholar; he was also a formidable figure. He participated in suppressing rebellions and even drove away ferocious animals like crocodiles."
"Generally speaking, he is indeed courageous, but I never expected that such a person would write his will while climbing Mount Hua, crying and sobbing."
"However, compared to Mount Tai, Mount Hua is much more precipitous. Even today, climbing Mount Hua would be extremely difficult. This story is based on the records in the *Tang Guoshi Bu* (Supplement to the History of the Tang Dynasty). The story begins with Han Yu and his friends agreeing to climb Mount Hua."
"He just hadn't expected Mount Hua to be so treacherous, surrounded by cliffs and precipices, with no way to retreat! So, weeping and wailing, he wrote his will on Mount Hua and threw it into the valley."
Han Yu: I wish I hadn't climbed it! (?﹏?)
"I reckon he might be afraid of heights, but Mount Hua is notoriously difficult to climb. If it were me, I would definitely give up halfway through, haha, because I'm also afraid of heights!"
"Getting back to the main point, it was only later that the local magistrate of Huayin County heard the news and sent people to rescue him. It is said that they first wrapped Han Yu in a quilt and then used a rope to pull him down."
"In later generations, there is a place on Mount Hua called [Han Yu's Letter Place]. Those who have been there will know that more than a thousand years ago, Han Yu, one of the Eight Great Masters of the Tang and Song Dynasties, was so frightened by Mount Hua that he cried and wrote his will here!"
Big Han Liu Zhuzhu: This story sounds a bit pitiful, but it's also kind of funny!!!
Cheng Yaojin of the Tang Dynasty: I never thought this would get passed down like this. If I, Old Cheng, ever do anything embarrassing, wouldn't everyone know about it?!
Han Yu of the Tang Dynasty: ...Who's so free to write this down?
A spoiled young master from the Song Dynasty: Hahaha, thank goodness I don't climb mountains, otherwise I really might not be able to get down!
……
"Let's continue with a short story from the Tang Dynasty. This time, the character is Erfeng. As we all know, among all the emperors, Erfeng was famous for her love of crying. It is said that the number of times she was recorded is the highest among all emperors!"
"For example, after Du Ruhui passed away, Li Shimin once ate a good melon, but then he thought of Du Ruhui and couldn't eat it anymore, so he cried again and put the remaining melon in front of Du Ruhui's grave to worship him."
"Let's give a few more examples. For instance, when the uprising began in Jinyang, Li Yuan suddenly wanted to retreat halfway through. Erfeng tried to persuade him, and in the end, she even cried herself out of frustration!"
"And what's really outrageous is that once when Li Jing was sick, not so badly that he was about to die, Erfeng went to his house specifically to check on him and cried just looking at him!"
"Besides those mentioned above, there's also Hou Junji, who betrayed him. Erfeng even asked the officials if they could spare his life, but the ministers said no!"
"But because Erfeng is so fond of showing her true feelings, some people remain skeptical, thinking that she might be putting on a show. They think that Li Shimin was a relatively all-around emperor, while our Erfeng just loves to cry a little bit."
"However, speaking of which, Li Shimin's Zhaoling Mausoleum is the largest of all the imperial mausoleums throughout history. In addition to the imperial family, many civil and military officials, such as Wei Zheng, Cheng Yaojin, and Fang Xuanling, are also buried in Zhaoling."
"It is said that many of these decisions were made by the Second Emperor before his death, and they seem to be guarding His Majesty's side as before."
"That's why people always miss the harmonious relationship between the emperor and his ministers when Emperor Taizong founded the Tang Dynasty."
Du Ruhui of the Tang Dynasty (moved): Your Majesty! (??-??)
Empress Li Erfeng of the Tang Dynasty: My most trusted and capable ministers! (???????????)
Cheng Yaojin of the Tang Dynasty: Aren't I, Old Cheng, one of His Majesty's most trusted and capable ministers?!
Fang Xuanling of the Tang Dynasty: ...Your Majesty! That old minister is one too!
Other officials of the Tang Dynasty: Aren't they the same?
Big Han Liu Zhuzhu: ...? ????……
Zhu Baba of the Ming Dynasty: Why are a bunch of grown men so lovey-dovey?
……